The harder I push to get to you, to give you what I think you want, to share those smiles and laughs with you; the more you evade me.
I push and push. I let people down. I get distracted. I lose myself in others' wants and needs. I worry. I frown. I cry. But when I close my eyes you are there. You give me hope. You push me through.
I see you playing with Boo. You have minimal worries. You are comfortable, confident. It all seems so simple, your life. We never wanted fancy things, just balance.
I worry about letting everyone down, my greatest fear is letting you down. I hope your smile is a formulation of your reflection on time well spent. Knowing that we have done our absolute best in every situation. That even if we stumbled, we persisted. Resilience. It has always been our favorite characteristic.
Keep smiling for me. Please never lose heart. You give me so much hope. I have faith that I will find you. I will catch up. I promise I will do my best. It is all I have. I want to see the beauty that keeps you smiling. You will move on. But I know I will get to where you are. Please never lose that fire. Love yourself enough to never let go of our desire to make constant progress.
PS. I thought a definition might help:
Happiness-
I think that is what you have that I want. But I hope it looks more like this:
I'm sensing a theme. Thank you for your guidance, I think we shared that smile for a second. I'm off to get you a job. Wish us luck! Lots of Love,
Me
I don't know how I feel about commenting on a post like this. I'm not sure I have any right to critique your dreams. At any rate, because of the nature of the prompt you used, the post is deeply personal and it keeps the reader at a certain distance. I wouldn't do that all the time, but for this post it works.
ReplyDeleteBecause this is to your future self, we get a good sense as to what you are at the moment and what you want in the future. Unlike Morgan, I don't think it is too personal and it speaks volumes to me.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this entry. It really drew me in, and I can totally relate to you at this moment in my life. It was very personal, but that's what I really like about it. It seems like you didn't hold back; we all have these kind of emotions, but a lot of us are afraid to let them out for others to see. It's refreshing to see somebody be so real.
ReplyDeleteThe pictures are a nice touch. I can tell that you absoltely adore your daughter. She is such a doll. I especially love the second to last picture.