Dear Future Me,

I close my eyes and I see you in the distance. You are smiling. Your happiness draws me in. You look so peaceful. Rested. I move closer to you. You are forever fleeting.
The harder I push to get to you, to give you what I think you want, to share those smiles and laughs with you; the more you evade me.
I push and push. I let people down. I get distracted. I lose myself in others' wants and needs. I worry. I frown. I cry. But when I close my eyes you are there. You give me hope. You push me through.
I see you playing with Boo. You have minimal worries. You are comfortable, confident. It all seems so simple, your life. We never wanted fancy things, just balance.
I worry about letting everyone down, my greatest fear is letting you down. I hope your smile is a formulation of your reflection on time well spent. Knowing that we have done our absolute best in every situation. That even if we stumbled, we persisted. Resilience. It has always been our favorite characteristic.
Keep smiling for me. Please never lose heart. You give me so much hope. I have faith that I will find you. I will catch up. I promise I will do my best. It is all I have. I want to see the beauty that keeps you smiling. You will move on. But I know I will get to where you are. Please never lose that fire. Love yourself enough to never let go of our desire to make constant progress.

PS. I thought a definition might help:
Happiness-
I think that is what you have that I want. But I hope it looks more like this:





I'm sensing a theme. Thank you for your guidance, I think we shared that smile for a second. I'm off to get you a job. Wish us luck! Lots of Love,
Me

A Small Token...

It has been almost a decade since I returned from Haiti. When I began my trip I was very excited and also scared. I actually feared for my safety. As I traveled through the country I was amazed by the generosity and resilience of the people. They invited me into their 'huts' and offered me food. My experiences there affected me greatly, they revived my faith in the human spirit. Since that time I have traveled all over the world, and met countless inspiring people. I have watched my teams and clients overcome amazing obstacles. But my time in Haiti will always have a special place in my heart.


It is very hard for me to imagine a better cause for my bike to go towards. My motorcycle is one of my most prized possessions, it seems like the least I can do for the people who gave me so much. Even when they had nothing. I hope this will encourage others to aid in the relief of their devastation.
I hope my team realizes that the challenges that they face are crucial to their health and that they are motivated by seeing the resilience in the people of Haiti in the coming weeks. Maybe certain participants will realize how stupid and petty it is to cheat themselves out of a week of weight loss for a game. It makes me so freaking angry. Grr... Despite my anger we had great workouts today and I am very optimistic about this weeks weigh ins.

Some of the things that make me happy. . .

Sleeping in only to be awoke from a sometimes startling summoning for, "Mom!" Feeling her arms wrap around my neck and a exaggerated kiss on my cheek. The daily 'what are we going to do today?' conversation. Half of which we never really get to but it is fun exploring the possibilities.

Breakfast makes me happy. My same steaming bowl of oatmeal with all the fixings and a cup of green tea that seems to warm my soul. For her its the usual, a banana maybe some blueberries, the occasional pancake. But definitely a banana. What else would she chase the dog with?
Exploring new things with Aubrey:


It is not so much breakfast as it is the magic in every moment with her. Watching her learn and grow. Teaching her new things and having every moment lit up from her light. It has become hard for me to remember what life was like before her.

A few other ways in which happiness comes into my life:

Hanging out with any of 'my' babies:

Catching up with old friends:


Making new friends:


Acting like a fool with crazy friends:





Sneaking away to my favorite place:




And capturing priceless moments:

This is what I go to college for?

I felt the warmth on my skin as I bent down to pick it up. It seemed like the millionth one for the day. It is a damp warmth, one that seemed to penetrate the latex glove on my hand and put a chill down my spine. The past warnings became a reality, “The January Jerks” had arrived.
As an intern at a large chain lifestyle center I expected a rush for the New Year. I was cautioned not to assume much because the madness would exceed my expectations. I believe that now. It is udder chaos. The trends however are very entertaining.
At one point on the first Monday of the New Year, there was one piece of cardio equipment open. Usually there are several dozen vacancies. By Wednesday the number of people coming in to pursue their resolutions drops substantially. On Friday it is a ghost town. Fast forward to the second Monday, it is the same story. Only larger numbers because people have realized that it is the second week of 2010 and they have not yet started their resolutions.
This pattern is not that atypical. A trend can be observed in the ‘gym’ nearly every week. ‘Everyone’ starts their lifestyle change on Monday. By ‘Hump’ day they begin to fall off the wagon and as of Friday there are few still hanging on.
Towel duty in December never bothered me. It was easy for me to ‘forgive’ the occasional towel that was ‘accidentally’ left behind by people who were somewhat committed to a healthy lifestyle. Now it is different. The number of towels has increased a hundred fold. They are often still warm when I pick them up. My favorite was the extremely sweaty ‘gentleman’ who wiped his head and proceeded to hand me his towel. The ignorance of all the ‘tourists’ is hard to ignore. Not that it is excusable. But it is certainly not that difficult to place your own sweaty towel in a hamper, there are several nearby. I am promised that by March the majority will be gone. As a health and fitness professional I really would love to see everyone stick to their resolutions. I would prefer them to become part of their lifestyle. I just really wish people would’t be so ignorant in their pursuits. Until then I can’t help but hope that the “January Jerks” will leave and my faith in my career choice can be restored.
For those in pursuit of resolutions. I suggest you make SMART goals instead of resolutions. Incorporate a few healthy lifestyle modifications in each week. Make them permanent changes. Watch that you don’t cycle throughout your weeks, aim for consistency. Forgive yourself for lapses. Learn from them and move on. And lastly please be courteous in your pursuit; Please don’t be a “January Jerk”. MAKE IT a great year!